ugh. dreams.
I feel like Ive written about this not too long ago. But I hate when you have those random dreams about someone you liked. And, in the dream you are blissfully happy w that person. You werent thinking about this person and all of a sudden you have this beautiful dream w them...then it makes you wish the dream was real. I had a dream about smart boy the other day. I was pregnant in it w him?(super fn random) and it was just like beautiful, in it we were just hanging out and he was trying to do something special for me..cuz its like..it was unplanned, but he wanted to make me feel happy about it? Weird I know..i dont know where it came from..why he just came up in my dream..why i was preggo...but it was like really happy and nice..and I woke up wanting to go back into the dream.Apparently its not necessarily about the person, but a situation you want to have in your life. And thats prob true. Id love to have a bf that loves me and wants to make me happy, and Im getting older so im afraid my baby window is non-existant. Maybe I just dont want to die alone. But I think its also because I feel like I havent done anything all that useful w my life..and making a life would bring more purpose. Id like to pass things down and fall in love w a tiny human, watch them grow and develop and change. But I have always been worried Id suck at it because I have a bad temper, sometimes not much patience..and I like sleep..and not wiping other peoples butts lol. But the dream was nice and I was blissfully happy. Btw have you ever fell super in love w a feature of a person...gah. After the dream of course I looked up dude (no im not creepy im just curious) and I forgot how amazing his eyeballs are. They were really beautiful, big & a crazy colour green w long lashes, but then they turned up ever so slightly at the ends. I dont think i completely noticed at the time, but i think he has the most beautiful eyes ive ever seen. And dont think im fn weird..i look at everyones face and make detailed opinions. Everyone has beautiful and ugly things going on in their features...but i have to say..i dont think ive ever been more physically attracted to a man. I wish I could find his secret twin on earth. I really liked him, i was super attracted to him, loved his brain...but he was super douchey at the same time..so pretentious about things like that vegan hipster type of annoying. I dont want him, but it was a beautiful dream and he is a beautiful looking man. And Id like someone w those eyes..god...just beautiful. I dont think ive said beautiful enough in this entry.
In other old news, i still cant fn find a job...and impulsively just dyed my hair blue. That should help lol. Im really winning at life, writing continuously about boys and failure and anger even though im pretty chill.
oh also...funniest thing..dont know if i wrote about this yet..but that guy i just had a crush on (last date i went on that fizzled quick even though i realllly liked him) well, his friend and i were on the same dating site. He hit on me, online, not realizing who i was...lol and then when i told him he was like "oh sorry i dont date girls my friend has dated". Super funny that a) he didnt recognize me at all even tho i knew who he was immediately b) thought he had a chance but then "rejected" me because of his friend. lol "ok, well im really sad now...are you sure you wont give me a chance". lol good times |