Why is every piece of shit on earth just drawn to me like a moth to a flame...i have a target on my back that says "hey look at this fuckin idiot, you should play her dumb, kind, forgiving ass like a well tuned violin." I cant talk to any men, i cant believe any words they say, i cant ever dare to feel an ounce of giddyness or happiness or trust, because it will ultimately just be an idiotic move on my part. What did I do in a past life to deserve this unending wheel of heartache? i can never pick the right guy because they just dont exist, they are all wrong and all horrible lying manipulative assholes...and still i cant change my sexual orientation. Why cant I be gay..women stare at me..,women have secret crushes on me...id be like a desired commodity in lesbianland. Yet, here i am in straightsville..up to my eyeballs in asshole. You'd think you cant tear up and feel pain after awhile...you think youd get it after awhile "hey you are meant to be alone, nobody will ever love you in a way that you desire" but no...not me...queen of hopeless optimism and romanticism....."someone will love me one day!" "good men exist...theyre out there...i just have to be patient.""there are men that dont lie and appreciate good women" BAHAAHAAAAHA!!! Holee fuck i am so fucking stupid...i am so blind...i am so buttfuck retarded.
i cant even do it anymore...what the fuck am i doing...why do i bother..why do i try...why do i care...why do i get my hopes up...why do i pretend that men are good? why do i pretend they care and have feelings? they are monsters.