Ive had a lot of people use me in my lifetime. Im just so eager to be a willing participant. "How can I help you at the expense of my own feelings" should be my motto. My first longterm bf basically used me for sex and money. One of my friends after highschool asked me to move out w them, and when i couldnt, kept my deposit. Various men told me what i wanted to hear throughout my life to get in my pants or near my pants lol. I helped out a person who i thought was my friend for years with her studio...3 years i worked for her, for her to never pay me (with the exception of when id do a show or event w her, because someone was paying her). I worked the door for people i thought were my friends at a monthly jam, only to have them replace me, unannounced, because i had a falling out w the studio chick. all of those people turned their back on me after that...and these were all people I felt were friends for a good 3-4 years...i went to jams and practices w them...then as soon as i said "hey i need a job that will pay me".poof..gone. Ive moved people, only to have them never repay the favour. Seems like Im always so wonderful when people need my help, but when i need theirs, their lives are just so busy. And, i just always help people, out of guilt...or feeling like " i should be a nice person and help them." Which always backfires on me in some way. The reason im talking about this is because someone just asked me to housesit for them and watch their children while they go away. And my guilt is saying i should do it, but my brain is very offended. Like a) Why are you taking your one child, but not the others?
b) if you decided to do this why would you not figure all this stuff out before you decided to go?
c)Ive never even been to your apt, youve never invited me over (not that id probably go cuz im a hermit, but still), you dont really ever talk to me, but you want me to watch your kids? Who barely know me. Like does it even matter...its not even like you respect me so much, its like whoever will do it is good enough!?
e)You know im outta work, why wouldnt you offer something, instead of angling it as if youre doing me a favour? "It could be a little vacation for you" - how the fuck is watching your children a vacation for me...i live w a roomate who is mostly not here, and i have no responsibilities!?
I feel bad for the kids, and thats the only reason I would do it, but the fact youre asking me is fuckin shitty of you, because you know the kind of person i am - a fuckin pushover who wants to help people. People make me so angry. Ive had a couple people ask me to work events to for no pay enough times for some shitty like run off benefit "oh you get a couple drink tickets" FUCK YOU pay me you fucking asshole. You want me to work for you, you pay me..thats how it works everywhere else in life, why do you think youre special? Honestly. Then when you say no, youre some kind of awful asshole....when really, they are for imposing on you. I told her Id check in on them and they could take my #, but I feel so guilty for just not saying completely yes...because im such an idiot. Id rather make myself uncomfortable to make someone else happy..every god damned time. Ive never considered myself a "people-pleaser" but maybe I am. And its funny because people hate on me regardless of what i do....i could do everything to make them happy and theyd still have shit to say about me. Like studio girl...who the fuck knows what she said about me to everyone when i left...after i bent over backwards helping her...i got left in the dust, and talked shit about. People are a joke. |